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 A haiku lesson for Shadow et al « View previous topic :: View next topic » 
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Penelope
PostPosted: Wed Nov 26, 2003 8:02 pm    Post subject: A haiku lesson for Shadow et al Reply with quote



Joined: 23 Nov 2003
Posts: 143

The art of writing haikus is an ancient Japanese custom. The format demands strict adherence to syllable counting as well as a few other specifics. (God! I sound like a teacher! yech)

1 - haikus do not use punctuation, the only use acceptable is when one line runs to the next .. then a hyphen - is permitted.
2 - syllable count - 5 first line - 7 second line - 5 third line - there can be fewer syllables but never more.
3 - haikus refer to nature. Not so much a personal interaction with nature but more like a snapshot. Describing something you have seen. So, fanciful missives of dragons ain't gonna cut it.
4 - haikus do not use capital letters unless it's a month which is sort of okay but can be frowned upon.
5 - haikus should contain a twist of meaning. a word which can change the reader's thoughts to other things or a different interpretation of the same thing.
6 - haikus can contain humour in a subtle way.
7 - If one wants to create a haiku about people and personal emotions it is called a senryu.
8 - haikus do not have titles - I use them when posting in writers' forums but if I ever submitted any for other publications I would omit them and make sure the haiku's subject was perfectly clear without the title.

Now for a few examples. I am not violating anyone's copyright because these are all written by me. A special thanks to R. Mestre who gave me some valuable pointers in July of this year when I began to write haikus.

summer rain drops fall
refreshing the wrinkled plains
of parched paper skin

PFA
04/08/03


briny beached puddles
microcosms snugly harboured
within tidal pools

08/09/03

a murder of crows
trade a cacaphony of -
barbs on summer wires

22/07/03
PFA

marauding seagull
exploring summer salad
livingstone presumed

22/07/03
PFA


on a winter's day
snow glistens with diamonds bright
lighting frost's fingers

04/07/03
PFA
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My Shadow
PostPosted: Thu Nov 27, 2003 11:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

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Well, if I look at that list of yours, then I must conclude that my haiku wasn't so bad. It is satisfying several criteria, although I was a bit free-thinking and took some liberties in writing it. Cool
But hey, that's what this site is all about, isn't it ? Smile

Another one.

Three steps at a time
Down the stairs I am hasting
Will it be too late ?
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Penelope
PostPosted: Thu Nov 27, 2003 11:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 23 Nov 2003
Posts: 143

*smiles*

I am relieved that you took this 'lesson' and (hopefully) my other post in the teasing manner with which it was intended. When I was told I had a knack for this disciplined form of poetry, I was gobsmacked.

I keep to the confines out of respect for my tutor.
*venerable nod to R. Mestre*

er .. too late for what? That is a senryu by the way. Wink
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ZardoZ
PostPosted: Thu Nov 27, 2003 11:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 15 Oct 2003
Posts: 26
Location: The Vortex

My Shadow wrote:
...I must conclude that my haiku wasn't so bad...


But it didn't even rhyme! Rolling Eyes Laughing

First rule of poetry: It must rhyme.
Second rule: It must start with "There was an old lady from Venus"

Now go out and write some REAL poetry! Wink
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Penelope
PostPosted: Thu Nov 27, 2003 12:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 23 Nov 2003
Posts: 143

There was an old lady from Venus
who was madly in love with the penis.
While riding the pole
she was bit by a mole
a rapacious rapscallion genus.

see? Could Maurice write that? I think not!
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ZardoZ
PostPosted: Thu Nov 27, 2003 12:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 15 Oct 2003
Posts: 26
Location: The Vortex

Excellent, since I can't top that (does that make me Maurice?), here's a poem that disregards my aforementioned criterion (starts with "There was an...")

To put this into context, I went to a forum a couple of years ago and someone was trying to remember the theme song from a Canadian comedy show called Four on the Floor. The info she provided was that it started with “Deep in the Heart of the Algonquin Forests” and ends with something like “That bolt of lightning welds the canoe to his head...”. After an honest and unsuccessful search for it I was forced to make one up. Sadly, I gave up writing poetry (seems people have not been appreciative of my efforts; other than my wife-to-be, god bless her soul, whom I wooed with poetry) and this is one of the last I wrote (and saved):

The Four on the Florists

Deep in the heart of the Algonquin Forests,
There were arboralists called the "Four on the Florists."
So they’re out portaging, looking for botanical species,
When one of them slips in some slippery faecies.
So he gets on his feet and picks up his canoe,
But what he don’t know, it the super-charged poo!
Just as they find this exotic rare flower,
The poop shoots out lightning with electrified power!
That bolt of lightning welds the canoe to his head,
Now he’s such a freak that he’d be better off dead!

It doesn't quite scan I know (I had to translate it from bad ebonics as I originally wrote it).
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Penelope
PostPosted: Thu Nov 27, 2003 12:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 23 Nov 2003
Posts: 143

I love it! faecies? Is that like faerie? There's a bit which could be edited too. super poo .. fabulous!
I'm going to presume your intended was wooed with poetry of a different ilk.
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Last edited by Penelope on Thu Nov 27, 2003 12:47 pm; edited 1 time in total
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ZardoZ
PostPosted: Thu Nov 27, 2003 12:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 15 Oct 2003
Posts: 26
Location: The Vortex

Penelope wrote:
I love it! faecies? Is that like faerie? There's a bit which could be edited too. super poo .. fabulous!
I'm going to presume your intended was wooed with poetry of a different ilk.


She accepted me for the crappy poet that I am.
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Penelope
PostPosted: Thu Nov 27, 2003 12:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 23 Nov 2003
Posts: 143

Did you know there's a variety of mole that could be mistook for a penis?

Laughing
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My Shadow
PostPosted: Thu Nov 27, 2003 2:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

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Penelope wrote:
*smiles*

I am relieved that you took this 'lesson' and (hopefully) my other post in the teasing manner with which it was intended.
...
er .. too late for what? That is a senryu by the way. Wink

Penelope, at second reading, I did. At first reading, I didn"t get the link to my nick.
As for your question...I think no Haiku master is bound to give additional explanations about the meaning of his work. It's up to the reader.
In other words, I'll leave it to your imagination. Razz
I am not sure it is a senryu. Emotions don't really come in here, although the center of the stage is certainly occupied by a human.
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Penelope
PostPosted: Thu Nov 27, 2003 4:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 23 Nov 2003
Posts: 143

Quote:
Three steps at a time
Down the stairs I am hasting
Will it be too late ?


Okay, seeing as I've been giving latitude to read into this what I may.

You have been waiting all evening for a delivery of Chinese food. At 3 am you gave up and went upstairs to bed.
Hark! The doorbell!

You come rushing downstairs .. nude .. and fling open the door .. scare the bejesus out of the delivery guy who drops the food and runs .. convinced you are some mad nude demon sent from above. (he saw you come flying down the stairs through the opaque glass of the window in the door).
At your feet are a collection of cartons and aluminum dishes ..
You ponder if it's too late to feast.
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My Shadow
PostPosted: Thu Nov 27, 2003 5:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

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Your imagination tells a lot about yourself.
If you are a woman, I have no problem with that ; if you are a man, I don't like it. Bugger off.
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Guest
PostPosted: Thu Nov 27, 2003 5:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote






ZardoZ wrote:


The Four on the Florists

Deep in the heart of the Algonquin Forests,
There were arboralists called the "Four on the Florists."
So they’re out portaging, looking for botanical species,
When one of them slips in some slippery faecies.
So he gets on his feet and picks up his canoe,
But what he don’t know, it the super-charged poo!
Just as they find this exotic rare flower,
The poop shoots out lightning with electrified power!
That bolt of lightning welds the canoe to his head,
Now he’s such a freak that he’d be better off dead!

It doesn't quite scan I know (I had to translate it from bad ebonics as I originally wrote it).

Interesting poem, ZardoZ, if slightly incomprehensible to me (or is it "slightly comprehensible" Laughing ?).
What is or are ebonics ?
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My Shadow
PostPosted: Thu Nov 27, 2003 5:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

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That was me, My Shadow, of course.
<sigh><sigh><sigh> Rolling Eyes
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Penelope
PostPosted: Thu Nov 27, 2003 7:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 23 Nov 2003
Posts: 143

You are ZardoZ? aha! good poem!
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